Wednesday, November 17, 2010

One day...

This song, and I have looked at the lyrics, which make no sense to compare how I feel when I listen to this song.


I googled the lyrics.  They don't say what I hear.  What I hear is that I am focusing on my future...  Not the now.  Not the girls.  Not our dog.  Not what is important.  Jeff and I have focused on the future so much.  We have been missing the rapture this whole time... incomplete.  One day I'll be at peace and enlightened.  I am already married with children... I am not here, however.  I have been running...  It is time for me to stop.  Stop and admire what I have, because soon it will be gone, and I will miss it.  Because, I am too focused on the future... I am running far too fast for the future and my finish line.  I am missing out on the now, too concentrated on the future.  

rapture |ˈrap ch ər|nounfeeling of intense pleasure or joy
I am missing on my NOW rapture... too intertwined with my future joy, and that is not what matters to me the most, at the end of my day.  It is time for me to refocus.  My family.  My baseline rapture.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The color PURPLE...

I hate that I am a thinker sometimes... Once I think about something, it as though I have already written it down, and it clears my mind. Good for the everyday, however, not so good for the "what I want to remember". Today marks the day, or rather, the TENTH year.... of when a little girl, a sister, passed away. Katelyn. Katelyn Joyce Harper. I donned my purple today. My butterflies. I would post photos of what I wore... my purple bridesmaids necklace and bracelet, along with my hair all tied up, as usual-I'm a mommy :) But, I thought of this amazing butterfly piece, that I have never thought to add to my hair... It came in my bouquet at the most amazing wedding ever. Yet, my photos are downloaded on a bi-quarterly basis, at best (damn DSL with super memory!).




And, so, as with every 11/16... my brain fires a billion memories...Memories I wish I had captured, yet, I only have so many.



Another fire off memory, that I cannot remove... well, there are more than one.  Katelyn left this world on November 16th.  A precious life entered this world on that same date.  My first doula client had her baby on February 14th, the date of Katelyn's birth.  And, the precious life that was given to a sweet family on a November the 16th, also had a little 6 week old baby who lost his life on the birth date of my daughter - March 23rd.  All of these numbers bring me connections...

The purpose of this post was to help me, and maybe share with others, the love I have always had for this person....  Purple is the color I represent for her honor.  It was her favorite.  Her room adorned in purple, along with the paint pen letters and notes of her friends and family.  So, here is my purplesness, for now...

"Purple is the color of good judgment. It is the color of people seeking spiritual fulfillment. It is said if you surround yourself with purple you will have peace of mind. Purple is a good color to use in meditation.  Purple has been used to symbolize magic and mystery, as well as royalty. Being the combination of red and blue, the warmest and coolest colors, purple is believed to be the ideal color."

I think that compliments KJH quite well, no??  Spiritual fulfillment?  Peace of mind?



It was Katelyn, the ten years it has been, what drove me to FSU for their child life specialty program.  She has driven me to many more heights...  I know, that she knows... 

My love for her each and every day, yet especially this one, goes out to my Kate, and my best friend.  Ashley.  I thank you for changing my life... again, as you have always done for me.  It has been my utmost of pleasures, to be with Katelyn.  Masquerade Balls.  Homecoming.  Halloween,  Slumber parties.  Cinderella, hello, times a million!??!  Leotard showers.  Absurd pancakes.  Amazing love.  Amazing friendship.  Amazing life.

And, so for now... I leave you with questioning life.  Who do you have and who are there?  What makes your gears spin?  For me, today, along with many, it is her.  Katelyn.  Joyce.  Harper.  And, P.S., if a certain BFF is pregnant with a girl, I thought tonight, how beautiful Harper would be for a name...

xoxo

Tuesday, November 9, 2010