Wednesday night, I was perusing my phone... late night as always. I opened my facebook and the first status update I read, was Top 5 most horrible news I have ever received. I never met this person, but I heard many great things... I facebooked with her... was supposed to meet her last summer, and plans fell through. I was so excited to meet her. I turned to my husband, who I was sitting right next to.. my mouth agape. He looked at me with funny eyes and a funny face. He knew there was something I had to tell him. "I have really bad news, honey." "What?" "Someone died." He immediately thought of his sick father, elderly grandparents.... you know, those that are supposed to die before you, no matter how much you want to punch the cycle of life in the face. But it wasn't. It was a 33 year old girl. His first girlfriend. His first everything. She was a pedestrian crossing a road, and hit by a van, at 8:40 in the morning, on the way to the bank. In broad daylight. A pedestrian.
I can't for the love of God figure out how to post an image on here...
My husband spent seven years of his life with her. High school, college, moving to be wherever she was during her successful fashion career in New York City. And in a split second, a precious life was taken away.
I have dealt with pain and loss before, but this time it is different. It is "uncopeable". I am so saddened with this news, and then look into the love of my life's eyes, and I feel his pain, too.
I have tried to be a backbone, a support, a counselor, a friend, and of course a wife. And when he falls asleep at night-I lose it. It becomes my time to be weak. To be sad. To be upset. I never even met her, but I know her. I know stories. I know photos. I know her. The lump in my throat never goes away. I don't understand. My dearest friend Ashley has been through so much in her life with this, and I have so much.... speechless... Love. Respect. Admiration. Courage. For her...
When will this end? When will the tears stop? I just wish... and think... what if? What if??
Donations for her arrangements, which are being set up with Jeff, myself, and her good friend Neevy, can be sent via Paypal to JillDavisMemorial@gmail.com