Saturday, July 10, 2010

From the Heart

I mean, no surprise... all my posts come from the heart.  I suppose the difference here is that  I have 3 blog posts saved, ready to be completed and posted, but I chose those topics to defer my heart from it's true feelings.  That is why I could not publish them.  I assume, at some point, they will.... they still are my thoughts.  However, they were written as a distraction from my true, honest, open thoughts.  Every heart, the red construction paper heart, is different from all others.  I have had a hard time being able to see my red paper heart lately.  It isn't perfect right now.  It has rough edges.  Perhaps even holes cut out of it.  Maybe it isn't even red right now.  Those rough edges and holes, have a lot to do with my uncertainty of what it looks like right now.  I have had a hurricane, earthquake, tsunami, flood of emotions lately, and I am not sure where to categorize and place them.  They don't fit in my "schematic" reason of thoughts and emotions.  I feel loss.  I feel upset.  I feel sad.  I feel depressed.  I feel like a Queen.  I feel like a provider.  I feel like a back bone.  And I feel forgotten.  I feel second.  Quite a lot to deal with....  And for me, it is hard not knowing how to compartmentalize all of these feelings, which only scrape the ice.  I hope that soon, they will make it to their appropriate cubbies and boxes on their own, or at least, without much effort on my part.....

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