Tuesday, January 12, 2010
How I know I know what I want to do....
So, when I got a text from an old BFF, telling me she is in the hospital with an old friend, and asking me for advice, what do I do??? FREAK OUT in excitement. The honor of being asked by an old friend with a friend in labor, for advice, tips, and tricks, gets me sky high. What a great round of short texts, to affirm my love for being a doula, and encourage me in this directions. Too bad long distance doulaing doesn't count for certification!
Monday, January 4, 2010
The worst words you can string together in the Dictionary...
The worst 2 1/2 words, ever heard ever, are "I'm hungry". This is either coming from the mouth of a 3, 1, or 34 year old. As for the first 2 categories, they were fed 3 minutes ago, and as for the last, if he'd open the fridge, he'd find a horn of plenty to heat in the microwave for 30 seconds. Can not either of these three parties form some alliance, to eat three times of day, at the same time? There comes a time, if not every other day, but daily, when I say "F*** it to hell, Kitchen, my second lover, I am sorry to abandon you". And, so I must, leave my second lover, in a mess of sauce, soymilk, salsa, and spaghetti, in an attempt to maintain some failed attempt at sanity.
If it is not these 2 1/2 words, that I fear, it is those that say "I'm wet". It is hard to tell if this ranks number 1 or 2, yet the caveat is, since this happens a bit less often than the previous grievance, I look at it as being second. Waking up, slightly warm, yet slightly cold, and unsure of the cause, is a real bitch. Your upper thigh region is wet, yet cold, but sometimes warm, and you are left to wonder.... why??? What happened? Am I warm or cold? And as you open your eyes, you see a small child, and realize you are neither warm nor cold, just soaked in piss.
So, both of these circumstances, leave me in a conundrum. Which is worse? Regardless of the answer, it doesn't really solve anything.
If it is not these 2 1/2 words, that I fear, it is those that say "I'm wet". It is hard to tell if this ranks number 1 or 2, yet the caveat is, since this happens a bit less often than the previous grievance, I look at it as being second. Waking up, slightly warm, yet slightly cold, and unsure of the cause, is a real bitch. Your upper thigh region is wet, yet cold, but sometimes warm, and you are left to wonder.... why??? What happened? Am I warm or cold? And as you open your eyes, you see a small child, and realize you are neither warm nor cold, just soaked in piss.
So, both of these circumstances, leave me in a conundrum. Which is worse? Regardless of the answer, it doesn't really solve anything.
Friday, January 1, 2010
2010
I read something today:
"According to the Shinto calendar 2010 is a year of growth. A year that all your hard work in 2009 begins to sprout. Think of all the seeds you have been sowing and keep watering them with your creativity, thoughts, and focus."
It made me feel hopeful, and I told all of those that I love and care about, that could comprehend. Last night, my husband asked me if I had any resolutions.... as usual, and last years post may I submit as evidence, I answered no. I don't believe in them. It is a sure way to enter disappointment and backfire. However, upon reading this, I found hope. I did not find reason to make any resolutions. Never have I had a New Year's revolution, as the song says, according to my fifth grade music teacher. As I entered the year this morning, I felt tired, exhausted, and upset..... pretty close to how I exited the year of 2009. I read this and felt optimistic, a strange feeling. Have not all I have attempted, strived for, and failed, NOT gone to the wayside? I don't believe in much, but this made me believe in me. As a mom, wife, stepmom, doula, student, hopeful grad student....among many other aspirations. And so with this, I will now start off the year of 2010, one I thought never achievable, or a realization of my dreams, until now. It is here. I did not see the "ball drop". I did not spend the newfound year's eve, surrounded by drinks, family, and friends. It was an unusual New Year's Eve, previewed by an unusual Christmas. And so with the wisdom of the Shinto belief, I take that I am to pursue what I have been dreaming about, during this past year. I told this to my 8 year old, and followed it with an example, and she too, believed in these words, and felt it comforting and encouraging. So, to a new year. A time to finish what I have been too scared to do and complete. My feelings right now are, I am all yours, 2010. I have a lot to offer, and right now, I am ready. Please don't deny me.
"According to the Shinto calendar 2010 is a year of growth. A year that all your hard work in 2009 begins to sprout. Think of all the seeds you have been sowing and keep watering them with your creativity, thoughts, and focus."
It made me feel hopeful, and I told all of those that I love and care about, that could comprehend. Last night, my husband asked me if I had any resolutions.... as usual, and last years post may I submit as evidence, I answered no. I don't believe in them. It is a sure way to enter disappointment and backfire. However, upon reading this, I found hope. I did not find reason to make any resolutions. Never have I had a New Year's revolution, as the song says, according to my fifth grade music teacher. As I entered the year this morning, I felt tired, exhausted, and upset..... pretty close to how I exited the year of 2009. I read this and felt optimistic, a strange feeling. Have not all I have attempted, strived for, and failed, NOT gone to the wayside? I don't believe in much, but this made me believe in me. As a mom, wife, stepmom, doula, student, hopeful grad student....among many other aspirations. And so with this, I will now start off the year of 2010, one I thought never achievable, or a realization of my dreams, until now. It is here. I did not see the "ball drop". I did not spend the newfound year's eve, surrounded by drinks, family, and friends. It was an unusual New Year's Eve, previewed by an unusual Christmas. And so with the wisdom of the Shinto belief, I take that I am to pursue what I have been dreaming about, during this past year. I told this to my 8 year old, and followed it with an example, and she too, believed in these words, and felt it comforting and encouraging. So, to a new year. A time to finish what I have been too scared to do and complete. My feelings right now are, I am all yours, 2010. I have a lot to offer, and right now, I am ready. Please don't deny me.
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