My life has been FULL of the unexpected... and at each unexpectation, I think that I will grow stronger, and life will move on and be easier. Honestly... that doesn't seem to be the case. I have been through unexpected and expected deaths, friendships that have shockingly gone awry without cause or explanation. I have made some connections and friendships that were surprisingly unexpected and blissful leaving me full at heart and grateful. I have dealt with my own birth and been with clients that have been a positive inspiration and then at times, place a chokingly negative weight on my heart. As I reflect on my life and myself, I don't see where these "wrong" things go "wrong". I believe this is where my gut wrenching, heart hurting, pain uninvitedly makes it's presence... I give myself as completely and selflessly as I can, unconsciously. Perhaps that is a/my fault. I suppose my illusion that others act and feel the same, is where my problems lie. I am a wife. I am a mother. I am a step-mother. I am a doula. I am a dreamer. I am a cynisist. And I am, perhaps, overly positive towards and with others, and helpful. How does one find where to draw the line? Where and how do I stop giving of myself, and believe??
(FYI: For those that truly know me, you know I often modify words to fit my statements/feelings.... Webster hasn't caught on quite yet, but I do know that the words from my heart have yet to be "technical", but should belong in that book.)