Friday, September 10, 2010

The unexpected...

My life has been FULL of the unexpected...  and at each unexpectation, I think that I will grow stronger, and life will move on and be easier.  Honestly... that doesn't seem to be the case.  I have been through unexpected and expected deaths, friendships that have shockingly gone awry without cause or explanation.  I have made some connections and friendships that were surprisingly unexpected and blissful leaving me full at heart and grateful.  I have dealt with my own birth and been with clients that have been a positive inspiration and then at times,  place a chokingly negative weight on my heart.  As I reflect on my life and myself, I don't see where these "wrong" things go "wrong".  I believe this is where my gut wrenching, heart hurting, pain uninvitedly makes it's presence...  I give myself as completely and selflessly as I can, unconsciously.  Perhaps that is a/my fault.  I suppose my illusion that others act and feel the same, is where my problems lie.  I am a wife.  I am a mother. I am a step-mother.  I am a doula.  I am a dreamer.  I am a cynisist.  And I am, perhaps, overly positive towards and with others, and helpful.  How does one find where to draw the line?  Where and how do I stop giving of myself, and believe??

(FYI:  For those that truly know me, you know I often modify words to fit my statements/feelings.... Webster hasn't caught on quite yet, but I do know that the words from my heart have yet to be "technical", but should belong in that book.)


Ashley Crawford said...

Might I say that I wish I could be so honest and forthcoming? More power to you my dear, please keep doing what you do best. =)

Galena said...

Maureen! I haven't had a chance to stop by your blog in a while, but now that I did: I love the new look! So optimistic :) Everything happens for a reason, and perhaps you do come out stronger but it's just a little hard to notice ?