Friday, January 28, 2011

My highs and lows

So much of the time I feel overwhelmed, in nearly every capacity.  But, when it all comes down to it, it is my family and my passions that occupies me.  The state of my life, currently only allows me to pursue one heart wrenching passion, and that is doulaing (second to my girls and boy).  My family will, does, and will always come first.  My two youngest daughters met a client of mine a month or so back.  I happened to be driving by, and saw this Mama outside, so I swung in without thought, to say hello.  Claire and Nora know "I go to work", yet imagine how hard it is to explain to a (new!!!) 5 year old and an almost 3 year old, that you have to leave at strange hours of the night to go help a mom have a baby.  That is the best that I have been able to come up with for Claire and Nora, to understand why I have to leave suddenly at times, and for looooong stretches.  This encounter, however, opened Claire's eyes to what I do.  Claire understood I had to "help a mom have a baby", and then seeing that baby shortly after, (hopefully) helped.  I think she internalized my role to these families.  Now, she often asks about "my" babies and "my" mommies...  Being a doula is very demanding in every sense.  I am at the edge of my seat when I get a "I might be in labor, but I don't really know" text.  I can't sleep.  I can't do anything but run my mouth to my poor husband, who, lucky for me, even if it is an act, takes it all in. 

I cherish my children, take pride in the fact that they can be a part of birth at such a young age, and am more than grateful to those families that let me walk in, during the most intimate of times.  And, I thank my husband for his support, that I can't even say it is full because it is so far beyond that.  Allowing me to follow my (second love). 

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