Doing a lot of thinking... Doing a lot of thought thinking. Actual soul searching-and the meaning for that differs with everyone... This is not a a subject I care to take on EVER. But, seriously, how hard is it to be a "step"mom"?!? Well, the answer is fucking. That's how. And, not because of me, or her, or the others. It just plain is. How many second guesses do I have? How many times do I wonder if it is okay to say "No" or "Maybe" in the exact manner that I would my own vaginally born? Well-It is NOT. Everything about being a mommy to a non vag kid is different and tough, and yet, still, so much is it often, NOT, and equally filled with love.
My heart on this is going to end here, I will speak about my Saturday. I saw two of my babies. I call them mine, when it will always be the farthest from the truth that are they. I was simply lucky enough to know their Mom's and Dad's :) They are some beautiful babies that I have had the pleasure to meet, and love it all. I envelope every second of it. To see them, is sadly, but so happily (does that even make sense?!?) as exciting as meeting my own. Okay. It isn't. I must say my girls have provided the best moments of my life. It surely is hard to admit that there have been such close seconds. But, I thank those families who have let me come to be with them.... It is more than a thank you.