I have been..

Doing a lot of thinking... Doing a lot of thought thinking.  Actual soul searching-and the meaning for that differs with everyone... This is not a a subject I care to take on EVER.  But, seriously, how hard is it to be a "step"mom"?!?  Well, the answer is fucking.  That's how.  And, not because of me, or her, or the others.  It just plain is.  How many second guesses do I have?  How many times do I wonder if it is okay to say "No" or "Maybe" in the exact manner that I would my own vaginally born?  Well-It is NOT.  Everything about being a mommy to a non vag kid is different and tough, and yet, still, so much is it often, NOT, and equally filled with love.

My heart on this is going to end here, I will speak about my Saturday.  I saw two of my babies.  I call them mine, when it will always be the farthest from the truth that are they.  I was simply lucky enough to know their Mom's and Dad's :)  They are some beautiful babies that I have had the pleasure to meet, and love it all.  I envelope every second of it.  To see them, is sadly, but so happily (does that even make sense?!?) as exciting as meeting my own.  Okay.  It isn't.  I must say my girls have provided the best moments of my life.  It surely is hard to admit that there have been such close seconds.  But, I thank those families who have let me come to be with them....  It is more than a thank you.