I stumbled into a "breastmilk is gross" situation today... aye.

Oh the frustration and face palming that ensues when in many environments of parents discussing parenting.  I feel I should carry around a briefcase of legal documents and research studies backing my crazy and outlandish parenting style which has to have it's own name/model/theory because it differs from the layman ideal of parenting.

Because I love wikipedia and it's reference notes it carries at the bottom of each search, I bring you excerpts from the wiki page entitled "Parenting":

"Parenting is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual developmentof a child from infancy to adulthood. Parenting refers to the activity of raising a child rather than the biological relationship."  Then Dr. Sears and his silly ways, came up with the term "attachment parenting: "Seeks to create strong emotional bonds, avoiding physical punishment and accomplishing discipline through interactionsrecognizing a child's emotional needs all while focusing on holistic understanding of the child."

Some of the now labeled principals of attachment parenting include (gasp!) co-sleeping, babywearing, natural childbirth and dare I say homebirth, and breastfeeding.  

Ack!  Wonder how many times she's been told how gross this is... eesh.  So offensive.  Cover up, lady.

Come on, lady, get a stroller.  I mean, this is 2011, and screw what evolution says.  Babys R Us is where it is at.  They know best.  

On my quest to find things to share about my crazy parenting choices, I stumbled across words strung far better together than I could only hope, and so will share the post that says everything better than I could, in a more than likely concise way... Happy reading!

Authentic Parenting - 'Radical' Parenting... Please read.

quote I love

“While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.”




Sticks with me everyday...

Watch out bitches.

disclaimer:  The title of this post is not to make threats.  I like how "watch out bitches" feels when it falls off my tongue, with some intimidating edge, in a justkiddingbutnotjustkidding kind of way.  Slightly taboo, even.  

I think I am having my midlife crisis in half the time it should take to reach that milestone in life.  Let's only hope this is the real deal, and nothing more crisis-y happens ever in my life.  This summer has been epically the crapstick summers of all time.  I swear I have Lifetime cameras following me around.  In the beginning of the crapness, I had a "I am getting fucked" mindset, and as time has passed, I am adapting to a "fuck y'all" attitude, and I am all the better that way.  It is a very rare occurrence when this happens, because I am an honest-to-god selfless person, and it is near impossible for me to think in a egocentric way...I have to concentrate to do so.  And right now, I am running with it.  I often choose sides of myself to share around others, and this is NOT because I care what others opinions are of me, but because I want to avoid any potential discomfort to others in situations.  It's like I am skirting the whole religion/politics faux pas all of the time about every single thing.  There is no doubt about it, I am not the most mainstream of thinkers, an idealist more often than not, and I am molting my reservist mentality.  It's quite liberating.  I hope it lasts.  

So, no more will I not eat meat in front of a vegetarian (this is a new one, because I was 80% vegetarian until a week ago), or stay mum on the fact that I co-sleep and breastfeed my 3 year old at the stroller parks.  If my floors need mopped and I don't feel like it, it'll wait another day, because today is more important than the floor.  Fuck a bed time-sleep when you're tired, and play in the damn rain, already.... geez!  The perfect rain boots for six mini feet are at the top of the list,  and the girls will paint whenever they ask, even if that means setting the dinner plates on a paint covered table, because I love paint, love to paint, and love my girls painting.  (This one is pretty much for my husband-he hates all things gloppy and gluey with potential stain factor, and wasn't too pleased that our girls decorated their high chair trays when they were little and I didn't clean immediately-thus resulting in a area of artistic expression at the dining table.)  

With this emergence of self, my everything has changed and been questioned, and will continue, as will what thoughts in my head lead my fingers to hit what keys.  And, there will be more key hitting, as well.  Behold, a renovation of mind, heart, and outlook.

C'est la vie!

I need more things to put in vinegar

I have a crush on all things pickled, and all things natural, too.  So, I put my foot on the ground, and said "no" to preservative packed glass jars filled with vinegar, spices, and vegetables.  Preservatives aren't found in anything else in my refrigerator or cupboards, but it takes some hunting, pickles on the brain, to find a (good) organic/chemical free pickle, and a pretty penny, and so I always settled for a refrigerated version in the grocery store.

I am very strict about purchasing things in glass and keeping plastics out of our home, recycle everything, and more often than not, have quite a collection of glass jars on my counter, waiting to meet their fate in the green bin, or tucked up against the counter for repurposing. 

Note:  To easily remove labels from glass jars so they look spiffy and new, soak them in a baking soda bath for a day or two, and the glue from the label will peel off nicely.

After a trip to Earth Fare where I picked up some organic goodness, I washed some jars and got to choppin'.  I chose to go simple on round one, and sliced up some cucumbers and carrots, first in half so they would fit into my jars from top to bottom with a bit of room to spare, and then in spears, nothing fancy.  I peeled 4-6 cloves of garlic and halved each clove, chopped up a green onion, and placed my alliums in the jars (2).  I have the inability to follow a recipe, and luckily, I have a fairly high success rate for my willy-nilly cooking style.  When attempting a new recipe, I google and read over 5 or so, and then dive right in as if I know what I am doing.  Same story here.  I brought a cup of water to boil over the stove, through in my carrot spears because I read somewhere that someone did this, removed them after 15 seconds with tongs so I could keep the boiling pot of water.  I hate to waste things-water, energy, and time included.  I added a packet of pickling spices to the pot that I also picked up from Earth Fare for simplicity purposes, which was 1 oz (28 grams) of organic yellow mustard, cinnamon chips, allspice, dill seed, celery seed, bay lead, chili peppers, cloves, caraway, and ginger root.  Savoring up the sweet spices by pairing with typical pickle spices proved to be a tasty match in the outcome.  I added some table salt, as well, an eyeball measurement of 1 1/2 tbs.  With my garlic, onion, carrot, and cucumber all packed away in my jars plus some sliced mushrooms because the jars had some extra room and 2 red chili peppers because I thought they would look nice and add an extra something, I poured the vinegar mixture into the jars, ran the end of a butter knife along the inside of the glass because I read somewhere that someone did this to remove air bubbles, and topped with lids.

Whatcha think?  Purdy, eh?  

Somewhere someone said to wait a few days for maximum picklage, but let's face it, I am impatient when it comes to tasting my edible endeavors, especially new ones.  So, I popped open those bad boys today, and I was extremely pleased.  Very tasty, crisp, and nowhere near boring.  I had some brine left over which I have in a pyrex in my fridge, and started to sliced up some radishes to pickle, but they became a snack instead.  The next time I boil water, I will throw some cauliflower florets, asparagus, and green beans in for 15 seconds to pickle.

This was so simple, I am embarrassed to admit this was my first pickling.  Especially with the brine complete and in my fridge, it is so simple to slice some more veggies and throw in the jars.  I am ecstatic to have a simple way to store veggie slices that won't wilt for an easy snack already dressed up in a vinegar and spice lo-cal dressing.  I can't wait to experiment with other pickling flavors and veggies.

Me the Mom

There are times when I debate whether or not I wished I lived in a different country, or rather I am proud to parade around and share with others my parenting style, which in the US, is often deemed as "weird".  Why is it, than in this "free", industrialized country, am I abnormal?  If I lived in a "third world" country, I would be considered "normal".  Why is it I receive awkward glances for nursing a toddler, strapping a tot on my back with a sling, or diaper 'em up with a fabric that could be worn as a shirt?  Why am I the "whacko" that still lets my kid sleep in my bed, and never owned a crib?  What happened to this country?  I would much rather be termed-third world, than be in a country of mal-adjustment, obesity, attachment issues, than in a place where I am surrounded with luxuries and prada (which I can't afford and even so, would never own...)  The whole clean water thing I quite enjoy.  I just wish this industrialized country in which I live, with a boundless debt, thinks I am a weirdo, because I choose to parent as I do.  Stick me in a village.

Review

I am truly horrible about uploading, formatting, blah blah photos.  So, lucky for Iris Jewelry Design, there are photos on Etsy of what I want to tell everyone I love!

My husband is the not-shopper kind of guy, and ever more, the can't-keep-a-secret-to-save-his-life dude.  Well, on 2/14/11, he did both.  I (insert the photos I don't upload here) opened two beautifully wrapped packages where inside, I found two beautiful necklaces.  It is now a month+ and these are daily wears.  The crafts(wo)manship is amazing.  They are perfect to a tee.  The lotus flower is my fav because I love how the chain is hung beautifully on separate leaves.

It is honestly, a unique, answer questions and say thanks all of the time kind of piece... now who wouldn't want that?!? 

This necklace I love just as dearly.  "The concept of a tree of life as a multi branched tree illustrating the idea that all life on earth is related has been used in science, religion, philosophy, mythology, and other areas."  To me, it brings a sense of peace and love.  Family.  My family, and those in my world who feel the connection I feel as well.

Please take a look at the fab finds there are... And, "like' her facebook page, to score some great deals!

I have been..

Doing a lot of thinking... Doing a lot of thought thinking.  Actual soul searching-and the meaning for that differs with everyone... This is not a a subject I care to take on EVER.  But, seriously, how hard is it to be a "step"mom"?!?  Well, the answer is fucking.  That's how.  And, not because of me, or her, or the others.  It just plain is.  How many second guesses do I have?  How many times do I wonder if it is okay to say "No" or "Maybe" in the exact manner that I would my own vaginally born?  Well-It is NOT.  Everything about being a mommy to a non vag kid is different and tough, and yet, still, so much is it often, NOT, and equally filled with love.

My heart on this is going to end here, I will speak about my Saturday.  I saw two of my babies.  I call them mine, when it will always be the farthest from the truth that are they.  I was simply lucky enough to know their Mom's and Dad's :)  They are some beautiful babies that I have had the pleasure to meet, and love it all.  I envelope every second of it.  To see them, is sadly, but so happily (does that even make sense?!?) as exciting as meeting my own.  Okay.  It isn't.  I must say my girls have provided the best moments of my life.  It surely is hard to admit that there have been such close seconds.  But, I thank those families who have let me come to be with them....  It is more than a thank you.

Again?!?

It's so ridiculous how many posts that I have saved because I am awaiting for the perfect pictures to complete my words...  And, yet tonight, I have another, however, (how many freakin' commas can I use!!!) post that will probably not make sense to most...  And, many may not agree.

My favorite Aunt died when I was in high school.  She committed suicide.  She shot her self in the head.  I swear she haunted my bedroom for years, to the point that I could not sleep without my bedroom light on.  As ironic as it may sound, and as shitty as I may portray one of the best men on this planet-my twin brother-I could not sleep without the loud music of the now terrible Dashboard Confessional's Chris Carraba's "Sleep With All The Lights On".

I more than hate that I happen to be the Ultimate Bearer of Bad News to my husband.  It was just 9 months ago I read on facebook his first sweetheart died, and then I have to go ahead and tell him shitty news again.  (Not so funny thing is...) I say "Oh my..."  Nora says  "What??" And then I have to say "I think I may have to tell Daddy something bad... I'm not sure yet"...  Well, I did.  And, yeah, it sucked.  The bad news I had to present last summer rolled itself over to today when I had to tell him the last "bad" news I told him was that the last bad news (his first sweetheart, FYI)'s mother died.  Blah.   Barf.   And a much needed what the four-letter-word.

I am so sick of death and dying, and more than sick of being the wife of bad news.... I mean, really???  WTF?!?  It made my brain spill in too many directions.

But, mostly please, can I get a break from having to be the one to tell my husband some really crappy info?!?   And, then, it turned into more... which I may or may not share.....

My highs and lows

So much of the time I feel overwhelmed, in nearly every capacity.  But, when it all comes down to it, it is my family and my passions that occupies me.  The state of my life, currently only allows me to pursue one heart wrenching passion, and that is doulaing (second to my girls and boy).  My family will, does, and will always come first.  My two youngest daughters met a client of mine a month or so back.  I happened to be driving by, and saw this Mama outside, so I swung in without thought, to say hello.  Claire and Nora know "I go to work", yet imagine how hard it is to explain to a (new!!!) 5 year old and an almost 3 year old, that you have to leave at strange hours of the night to go help a mom have a baby.  That is the best that I have been able to come up with for Claire and Nora, to understand why I have to leave suddenly at times, and for looooong stretches.  This encounter, however, opened Claire's eyes to what I do.  Claire understood I had to "help a mom have a baby", and then seeing that baby shortly after, (hopefully) helped.  I think she internalized my role to these families.  Now, she often asks about "my" babies and "my" mommies...  Being a doula is very demanding in every sense.  I am at the edge of my seat when I get a "I might be in labor, but I don't really know" text.  I can't sleep.  I can't do anything but run my mouth to my poor husband, who, lucky for me, even if it is an act, takes it all in. 

I cherish my children, take pride in the fact that they can be a part of birth at such a young age, and am more than grateful to those families that let me walk in, during the most intimate of times.  And, I thank my husband for his support, that I can't even say it is full because it is so far beyond that.  Allowing me to follow my (second love).